but only for Halloween
Friday, October 31, 2014
bree was all, what should i be? i said, how about Nikki Sixx from the Crüe?
a few hours later she said well i have everything down perfect except for the wig
i said show me what youve got.
a few hours later she sent me this and i was all, omg you nailed it.
which brings me to reason number 2347895347890 i wish babes would stop having sex with EDM djs: no one is gonna dress up like Flying Lotus in 20 years
or Swedish House Mafia
or Skrillex.
Maybe that dude with the mickey mouse ears but only if he was looking to get beat up.
rock n roll, especially hair metal, has it all: the guitar solos, the crazy outfits, and the hair so killer you cant even get a wig that matches it.
do i play EDM in my Uber?
who asked you!??!?!
last night the cats and i watched Lone Survivor.
as Marky Mark’s comrades kept getting shot i turned to the cats and said
i guess he’s gonna be the Lone Survivor.
then a big boulder rolled down the hill smashing a whole bunch of them and i was all
Lone Survivor
then when things were getting super hairy i was all, Marky Mark can’t die because the film is called Lone
SURVIVOR
when i looked down they were alseep
so unimpressed with me or the film.
the one thing they will love about Halloween will be the candy corn.
they wont eat them, they will kick them around like soccer balls.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
the kittens have free reign of my home, except for my bedroom
at first i did that because they had fleas, but now that they are flea-free i keep them out just in case.
it’s bad enough for the women in my life that im in the bed, they sure as hell dont deserve fleas.
anyways last night in the middle of the night i heard the door open and then the kittens jumped into my bed.
please dont turn us into eunuchs they begged and cuddled up with me.
i picked them up in the dark and tossed them into the hallway. then took a leak and wondered how they figured out my deadbolt.
as i tried to get back to sleep i heard them scratching under the crack in the door
and then trying to bulldoze the door open.
but i sleep like a rock so soon i was back to the black movie screen called tonys dreamland.
when i woke up at 6:30am i showered got dressed and put them into their travel crate: which was more difficult than normal because i swear these animals KNEW what was going to happen.
i took one of the plastic newspaper bags that wrapped the morning paper and i swung it above them
they love jumping for plastic bags. and i tossed it into the crate and one followed it in there and the second one was easier to trap.
and we drove to echo park. led zep was playing in the vet’s joint, which made me feel better.
and after paying $269 for Michael and $169 for Prince,
they will no longer be able to procreate.
i dont care if they hate me. i can take it.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
this is prince, he’s gonna get his balls cut off tomorrow
ive never been responsible for doing that to a living creature before
so i’m giving him a little special attention tonight.
sad thing is i had to take food away from he and his sister michael and theyre both sniffing around
seeing if somewhere theres some damn food.
shes getting her tubes tied tomorrow.
population control is super important, but when it comes down to it you’re still changing someones life.
prince is my favorite. he sits outside of my door.
any time i come home he runs toward me.
he’ll sleep on my arm as i watch tv on the couch.
trusts my every move.
his sister is an actual cat.
shes gonna hate me even more when she figures out what happened.
theres a lot to hate about the St. Louis Cardinals
they win too much
they fired harry caray
they stole Lou Brock from us
and of course many of their fans are racist
probably.
well some of them.
(although not my friends from blogger/twitter/LA Times)
but tonight they did something not terrible.
On Sunday their top prospect, Oscar Taveras, a right fielder, died in a car crash near his home in the Dominican Republic.
He was just 22.
So tonight in Busch Stadium they turned on the lights in right field.
slow clap
the irony in this statement is ironic
“I remember seeing There’s Something About Mary in the theaters when I was in my 20s, and there’s Cameron Diaz, who looks like Cameron Diaz, but she’s also a doctor, and she also loooves hamburgers, and she starts out playing golf in the morning, and all she wants from a man is a guy who wants to take her to a football game, and she wants to eat hot dogs and drink real beer. Real beer! And I thought, Wow, that’s a cool girl! And then I thought, Oh, right. She’s been invented by guys.”
- Gillian Flynn, author of Gone Girl
via vulture
they say the best operas are in Italian
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well, the best telenovellas are in whatever this language is.
Monday, October 27, 2014
seriously how can’t you win with these receivers
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i may start having kids just so they can play QB for the bears
still only a buck
took the cats to the vet yesterday after the bears lost and you know how they put animals to sleep when they’re old?
thats what i wanted them to do to me after my team fell to last place in the nfc norris
this isnt supposed to happen to anyone but the Cubs.
and the reason why i believe you should never pay a quarterback more than a few million bucks
until he gives you a ring.
pretty boy jay is making $127 million over seven years. and he’s terrible.
was terrible before they gave him the dough ray me but he’s handsome and tall
and looks like the type of guy who should be a gazillionaire.
so he got it.
i dress like a bum so guess what i’ll never make that sorta money which is fine.
when youre hungry you produce things. you hustle. you cant afford to be lazy and horrid.
my tv works now as does my internet but sometimes i wish i was still in the dark ages.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
after awhile you know whats going on
theres no need to be cocky about it. thats for the sucker mcs.
but in your heart you know before you do it how its gonna turn out and as it unfolds you really cant blame anyone but yourself when it plays out the way you always knew it would.
it was about 1:20am. it wasnt surging yet in DTLA but i knew it would in about 15 minutes.
i was parked on 7th street near Broadway and if i was a smoker i woulda hopped out of the car, found a friendly nook in a building to lean against and burned my fag.
instead i failed at the game of Patience, turned on the app and got dinged over by the Arts district. instead of refusing it to wait for the rates to double, i thought, you know, it’ll probably be a short ride to the other part of DTLA and you’ll be perfectly situated for bars to close.
but a part of me said, it’s not worth it for a $5-$10 ride.
it took 11 minutes to get there and then they made me wait for 5 minutes. all of it was torture.
you dont really Uber *for* the money, but there are certain times of the night where you can easily make $80-$100 in one ride. if you’re patient: and lucky. i was neither. i could have canceled the ride after five minutes but i was already way over there in the arts district and i didnt wanna be the reason someone hated uber.
of course we had to drive all the way to hollywood. of course then the guy wanted his friends to get dropped off first and then he wanted to go to silver lake.
misery misery misery as he just texted and tweeted the whole time as we drove cheap miles eating away at the clock.
and i reminded myself no one was gonna get rich with uber except the founders and the pre-ipo stock holders. just enjoy the yeah yeah yeahs playing on sirius.
finally dropped him off and saw DTLA was surging at 4x the rate and i said never again. and suffered.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
driving to watts with a guy dressed as a naked dude at 2:15am
Last night I picked up this group in DTLA at the Mayan at 2am during a 1.75x surge, meaning the ride would cost nearly double the normal rate.
They punched in their destination in the app before I arrived. When I started the ride I saw on the map it was gonna be a long one to the South. 114th street I asked? They said yep. We were currently on 11th.
I asked what sorta music they wanted to hear. They said 105.5 FM which is a spanish music channel. And we were off.
Drove south on the 110 and when we went east on the 105 I realized we were headed to Watts.
When we got there I asked is this really Watts? They said yep. I asked which way is the Watts Tower (I’d never been). They pointed.
The guy in the black shirt said “but wear a helmet” and chuckled.
Dropped them off in a mighty scary area. Two guys were selling drugs at the corner like in the movies. Cars were speeding by abandoned buildings. But as I was driving away from my passengers, they yelled to me.
They then gave me a $10 tip.
Amazing how sometimes the poorest people living in the scariest parts of town will be the most generous after a $30 ride. Whereas some of the richest people living in the lap of luxury will whine about a $10 ride and not even consider tipping (or even being polite) to the guy driving them home in the middle of the night.
Long live Watts.
Friday, October 24, 2014
got beeped in Culver City and this super hot chick comes out
she says no, i’m a friend of Greg, he will be out as soon as he settles his check with the waitress.
and i start cursing this Greg under my breath thinking things like, why would you order an Uber before you have paid for your meal? why is it ok for us to wait and not you? what is wrong with the world???
a few minutes out comes the hot babe again but with an even hotter and younger woman. in between them is an old man.
he gives them each some cash and kisses them on their cheeks and he slides into the back seat of my car.
we start driving.
i say, tell me your secrets, sensei.
turns out Greg is a photographer who lived in Haight Ashbury right before it became The Spot in the ’60s.
i asked, how did you know to live there?
he said, i didn’t. i got lucky. it was close to the University of San Francisco.
he told me they smoked weed, dropped acid, and had lots and lots of free love.
i said, so that was real?
he said, very real. beautifully real.
i said, but you still got it?
he said, no no, im old, no longer good looking. but being a photographer does have its advantages.
Greg told me that 15% of all models will have sex with their photographers. he advised me never to make the first move. always have wine. and tell them things like, “imagine the man of your dreams just walked into your bedroom. how would you treat him. what would you say. what would you do?” and then keep taking pictures. take too many pictures.
i said, i take lots of photos and theyre all terrible.
he said, take twice as many. use good equipment. but never stop.
we wound our way up the hill in Bel Air, he got out and he tipped me $8.
it was his first Uber. and it made my night.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
so the first half of my life is over. great. what next.
no question ive done a lot of cool things since moving to LA 30 years ago.
so what. now what?
is this the time to have kids? can you do cool stuff while raising kids? seems like you cant.
fine, no kids. then what? start a business? get a condo in DTLA? move to africa and save them from themselves?
aint no saving anyone. when adam and eve were the only ninjas in the garden they still did what God told em would kill em.
should i run for political office? i dont like wearing suits or shaking strangers hands.
should i be more active in the Church? should i start my own Church? nah. no one wants the church i’d give em.
maybe teach, maybe learn, maybe travel, maybe read books. for what though. what good are all these books.
do the people who read the most books do the most good for the world or do they just buy more books?
should i adopt a kid? should i clean my apartment? should i do the unspeakable:
do everything i can to accumulate as much money as i can in my bank account?
joan rivers did that and she never seemed happy. she gave $100 million to her daughter when she died.
but she lived like she was broke. hawking crud on cable tv to people who shoulda saved their money.
how do you die with $100 million when you coulda given half of that away?
maybe i should just write. and judge. and sin. by judging. but really write this half.
thats what bukowski did and we are all better for it.
and finally give those page turners something to turn.
leave something behind for the ninjas not born yet.
share the wealth. share the know how. share the lessons.
pass the dutchie pan the left front side.
delicious bday. people were super nice on the web
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took a lyft to work and then to kanpai and then home so i could eat drink and be merry
got to kanpai and my mom had called ahead and gave them her credit card
which was a pleasant surprise
chris ali and mary were there.
so much was eaten and dranken.
im a very lucky man.
thank you all for all of it.
amber was super dooper sweet
and omg Alyson from Canada – ahahah thank you!
next year’s is gonna be in vegas.
why not.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
i am 12 years younger than Christie Brinkley
she is 60.
age is just a weird construct.
our lives are fleeting.
rock. rock. till you drop.
today is my birthday, im 24
a million years ago my poor mother was rushed to a hospital in washington dc
she was not given any pain meds to deliver me because she was told that she would want to feel the once-in-a-lifetime experience of having her first child.
advice she would now never give another woman, she says.
birthdays are about the child but i think they should be about the mom.
my mom’s the greatest and unlike her gynecologist i have done my best to ease her pain as much as possible.
this isn’t the easiest task because, being somewhat affiliated with the xbi, i am often in the middle of some dangerous situations, and i don’t always succeed.
likewise i cant really have a steady girlfriend, which means i cannot produce any grandchildren for her.
fortunately my sister has brought unto the world replicants who look a lot like me and are named after grandma.
anything impressive that i have done in my crazy twisted life is all due to my mom who continues to be supportive of my wild imagination and bizarre paths. shes supportive the way Marge Simpson is. she may grumble but you know it’s for the right reasons. and often her tone alone will nudge me in the direction she feels is best.
so happy birthday, mom. thanks for bringing me to this crazy planet filled with beautiful people, wonderful music, and fantastic movies.
i hope i haven’t freaked you out too much so far.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
fridays are 16 hour days
but for some reason i love them.
i was born to work hard. and then play hard.
usually i get tired around 2am on friday nights and 4am on saturdays.
hopefully i can catch some good long rides before midnight so i dont have to try to hustle super hard from 1-3am.
your dear girl is finally in rehab but her recklessness and my foolish trust has put me a little in the credit card hole
which im sure i can get out of but its actually against the bible to have big credit debts so im a little uptight about that.
even though it was for a good cause.
but the best part about uber is i should have it all paid off before Christmas if i sock most of my earnings towards the bill.
and then i can get something cool for myself, like an iPad
or a Rolls.
all i really want is some new jeans
and for my momma to be happy.
death rides a skateboard
xbi was all hey it’s your birthday tomorrow, what do you want?
how about for you to leave me alone?
LOL they said no really, a cake? an ice cream cake? a pie?
i was all not seriously, for realsie, how about a year of radio silence, maybe three?
they were like dude youre the best we ever trained we cant just let you flounder out in the world sitting on your assets like some hobo.
i said whats a year between friends.
we’re here to save lives and make the world a better place, they said.
then we both LOLed.
how about a skateboard, i whispered.
you’ll break yr neck, they replied.
i’ll wear a helmet.
no you won’t.
ok how about the iphone six plus.
all sold out, how about the plain old six.
got that already.
what do you need the plus for then?
fine, i’ll take a pie.
Monday, October 20, 2014
The One-Eyed Show – “Brothers, Cousins and Fools”
[embedded content]
Looooong time friend of the busblog, Darren Caywood, has just announced that his band,
The One-Eyed Show,
has just released their much anticipated album, “Brothers, Cousins and Fools“
featuring a special appearance from John Popper!
You can stoke your friend in Ohio by clicking the link above
Or you can check it out on Rdio and Spotify.
Congrats Darren!!
Friday, October 17, 2014
fridays are 16 hour days
but for some reason i love them.
i was born to work hard. and then play hard.
usually i get tired around 2am on friday nights and 4am on saturdays.
hopefully i can catch some good long rides before midnight so i dont have to try to hustle super hard from 1-3am.
your dear girl is finally in rehab but her recklessness and my foolish trust has put me a little in the credit card hole
which im sure i can get out of but its actually against the bible to have big credit debts so im a little uptight about that.
even though it was for a good cause.
but the best part about uber is i should have it all paid off before Christmas if i sock most of my earnings towards the bill.
and then i can get something cool for myself, like an iPad
or a Rolls.
all i really want is some new jeans
and for my momma to be happy.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
has it been hard without television or the web?
but the good news is the cats and i are bonding and im reading the bible every day.
and im cleaning like mad. which mostly consists of throwing everything out.
even the good stuff.
which i have a lot of.
two closets which have been jam packed with muck for the last 12 years are now far less mucky. one ended up empty!
mom you should stop reading the rest of this blog post
i found a dead uh visitor in one of the closets. it got lost in the clutter and couldnt find its way out and cursed me with its last mini rodent breath. i didnt even know what it was when i picked it up but when it landed in the garbage its dust formed a familiar pattern.
and it squeaked screw you busblog.
there were two themes in the closets: music and smut. far too much of both. in wild assortments of delivery devices.
all of it must go. some of it has already gone.
realized i have three drills. im not mr handy, sorry ladies, but i know how to work a drill. i have two 18″ bits so i can put a hole through pretty much anything in your home: brick, stone, marble. you do learn a few things in the xbi.
so many remote controls. the grandest collection of AC adapters. and then there are the love letters.
how can a man have low self esteem with the reams of beautifully handwritten letters women from around the world have given me, and yet, alas, it’s true. in my mind no one has ever really wanted me, and if they had it was a passing fad, and that was only due to intoxications.
but then i read a few of these and i was like, are those seriously for me?
one woman typed using a typewriter while taking a bath and drinking. after each paragraph she would type
drink time. ding!
then she drew a picture of herself. and it was fantastic!
who was this tony pierce of days gone by?
who knows and who cares, it’s all now being recycled somewhere in Irwindale unless a junkie needs to wipe his bloody spike off on it, in which case, bon appetite.
ding!
super hot girl breaks up with me
and then sends me a free ticket to see Lana Del Rey
in a Hollywood graveyard.
even at 124 years old my life continues to be bizarre
and beautiful.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
today we announced Neil Patrick Harris would be the next host of the Oscars
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in 2010 Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were the cohosts
but NPH opened the show with a slightly adult song and dance routine.
this may give you a taste of what will go down in February of next year.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
tonight imma fix my internet i swear
it gets me super mad when i cannot do things
even when im not trained at it
even if im not the expert.
for some reason i believe what the xbi taught us when we were 20
you can do anything
we can all do anything
but you can do it better than most
always believe in yourself.
even when it’s Game Over
for it’s never Game Over.
then of course they shot us but thats another, much longer story.
Monday, October 13, 2014
today is canadian thanksgiving
you know how many good times ive had in canada?
beaucoup.
ive partied with rock stars, wooed by locals, been escorted to rippers
kids even asked me to pose for photos and give them my autograph
we wont even talk about the trouble this 17-18 year old ashley wanted after she stole my cap
what is it with people who wanna steal my caps?
anyways ive had a blast there. the people are sweet. the beers are delicious.
the cold weather doesnt even seem all that cold and people dont even dress like it’s cold.
the food? mama mia. the food. you know i love the food.
every time ive been there it was a funner weirder excursion than the next.
did i tell you the time i was in a hot tub with lesbians on new years eve and it began to snow?
i wanted to stay there forever.
im so thankful for you canada.
im glad mexico isnt our hat.
gotta be careful with the drunks when you uber them
some will try to strangle you or play with your eyes or steal your cap
some will barf in the barf bag you hand them when you see them in your rearview, and then they’ll spill the bag on the floor
some will ask you how old you are and you say 14 and they’ll say nooooo so you say your real age and they’ll say NOOOOOO
some will try to take you into their house and you’ll be all baby it’s Surging out there!
some will make you wait forever as they do anything else except leave the club to get the Uber they asked for 20 minutes ago
some will ask you to go through the drive thru after a wedding at the beverly hills country club and not even offer to get you two tacos for 99 cents
some will refuse to give you the address or name of the restaurant theyre headed to instead insisting on giving you directions but then they’ll space out while texting and miss turns like crazy
some will ask you how much money you make some will ask you to turn down the radio some will ask you to crank it.
some will get in the car after youve cleaned it of vomit and say omg it smells like oranges in here!
and you’ll say it does
i mean yes IT DOES!
hey our new website has a video showing off its coolness
[embedded content]
Apple should totally give us some money for all the product placement
busblogs dont explain things with words
busblogs explain with actions.
in a perfect world all there’d be is scoreboard. results. stuff.
i hear some people say oh he means well or oh he has a good heart but in real life what were his actions. they werent good.
my actions are so good theyre boring. my words are so boring theyre dull.
theres two things ive noticed in my waning years on this crust: people like to do things with me on nights where i want to uber
and people want to talk talk talk to me on the phone.
bill murray invented the perfect way of life. he got a cell phone to text his sons and he got an 800 number for people to
try
to reach him. but for the most part he never calls anyone back. unless it’s awesome.
i love the people. all the people. theres probably only 4-5 people i dont love and they know who they are.
they wronged me in brutal ways and never apologized so the hell with them.
the rest i love and they all know the best days to hang out with me are weekdays after work minus fridays.
and they also know not to make me call them on the phone. i know i have a pretty voice. how about i just whisper it.
i also dont like to be told what to do. if you ask nice i’ll probably do it. especially if you whisper it.
do these things mean that i’ll never be married and tied down with a mortgage and kids and soccer practices
and animals barking as im trying to watch the bears game in my study?
is bill murray happy?
not even the barking dog in my neighbors apartment is happy and that fucker can lick his own nuts
so what chance do any of us have
Sunday, October 12, 2014
hey our new website has a video showing off its coolness
[embedded content]
Apple should totally give us some money for all the product placement
busblogs dont explain things with words
busblogs explain with actions.
in a perfect world all there’d be is scoreboard. results. stuff.
i hear some people say oh he means well or oh he has a good heart but in real life what were his actions. they werent good.
my actions are so good theyre boring. my words are so boring theyre dull.
theres two things ive noticed in my waning years on this crust: people like to do things with me on nights where i want to uber
and people want to talk talk talk to me on the phone.
bill murray invented the perfect way of life. he got a cell phone to text his sons and he got an 800 number for people to
try
to reach him. but for the most part he never calls anyone back. unless it’s awesome.
i love the people. all the people. theres probably only 4-5 people i dont love and they know who they are.
they wronged me in brutal ways and never apologized so the hell with them.
the rest i love and they all know the best days to hang out with me are weekdays after work minus fridays.
and they also know not to make me call them on the phone. i know i have a pretty voice. how about i just whisper it.
i also dont like to be told what to do. if you ask nice i’ll probably do it. especially if you whisper it.
do these things mean that i’ll never be married and tied down with a mortgage and kids and soccer practices
and animals barking as im trying to watch the bears game in my study?
is bill murray happy?
not even the barking dog in my neighbors apartment is happy and that fucker can lick his own nuts
so what chance do any of us have
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
hey our new website has a video showing off its coolness
[embedded content]
Apple should totally give us some money for all the product placement
busblogs dont explain things with words
busblogs explain with actions.
in a perfect world all there’d be is scoreboard. results. stuff.
i hear some people say oh he means well or oh he has a good heart but in real life what were his actions. they werent good.
my actions are so good theyre boring. my words are so boring theyre dull.
theres two things ive noticed in my waning years on this crust: people like to do things with me on nights where i want to uber
and people want to talk talk talk to me on the phone.
bill murray invented the perfect way of life. he got a cell phone to text his sons and he got an 800 number for people to
try
to reach him. but for the most part he never calls anyone back. unless it’s awesome.
i love the people. all the people. theres probably only 4-5 people i dont love and they know who they are.
they wronged me in brutal ways and never apologized so the hell with them.
the rest i love and they all know the best days to hang out with me are weekdays after work minus fridays.
and they also know not to make me call them on the phone. i know i have a pretty voice. how about i just whisper it.
i also dont like to be told what to do. if you ask nice i’ll probably do it. especially if you whisper it.
do these things mean that i’ll never be married and tied down with a mortgage and kids and soccer practices
and animals barking as im trying to watch the bears game in my study?
is bill murray happy?
not even the barking dog in my neighbors apartment is happy and that fucker can lick his own nuts
so what chance do any of us have
we have a new website
we’ve been working on it for a very long time. it’s a huuuge website with lots of interesting nooks and crannies.
there’s a social media drawer on the right side of every page – something ive never seen before. tons of photos.
and right now if you bop around a little on it you might find a contest to win tickets to sit in the stands next to the red carpet.
ive been involved in several redesigns and relaunches. this is the first time a newspaper had an article about it the morning it came out.
i guess people really do like our story.
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