Wednesday, December 31, 2014

ur n review: march

the selfie


3/1 they gave me an all access pass to the oscars?

3/2 hey its tom from e on the wet red carpet

3/3 backstage at the oscars, nbd

3/4 ask tony: what was the oscars like

3/8 things said in my uber

3/8 i could have seen prince, i didnt, and it turned out to be his best show ever

3/9 watched grand budapest hotel with bree, loved it

3/11 accidentally took a cool picture

3/13 tragedy at sxsw

3/14 every time i uber beautiful women end up in my backseat

3/16 probs the longest uber post in the history of mankind. a photo essay

3/17 earthquake, nbd

3/18 catblogger in training

3/19 “play some ratchet shit”

3/19 the first place i ever worked looks amazing now

3/20 if girls stopped kissing djs we’d all get rock n roll back

3/21 being a black republican starts early in life

3/22 brunch with sass in her pajamas

3/23 busblog uber blogging hits full stride

3/24 RIP GWAR

3/25 13 questions with yesjessica

3/26 Juliette Lewis put something that i made onto her instagram.

3/27 stoked by the taxman

3/28 hey bono, who was Jesus?


year end revu: feb

gwen getting her police album signed by sting before the synchronicity show in LA


2/1 instantly addicted to uber

2/2 if i knew what i was doing id tell you

2/3 gwen stefani shares on twitter the greatest photo of all time

2/4 dying

2/4 not dying

2/5 overheard in the er hallway

2/6 i took a great picture of my kitten’s momma while fighting the xbi

2/7 scary doctor says something super scary

2/8 build a world where your children are stronger than you ever were

2/9 went to dumb starbucks, a photo essay

2/9 loved the lego movie

2/10 loved the nominees luncheon, heres some pics i took

2/13 drove four swedish girls fast through LA

2/14 the cutest lesbians on valentines day+night in my backseat

2/15 probably the best photo essay i took in beverly hills

2/17 some sad ass rides

2/20 there are strippers and there are hookers in this sprawling metropolis

2/22 never chase the surge

2/23 was the PA announcer at the UCLA baseball game, nbd

2/24 lorde + sally draper @ 101 cafe

2/26 crazy asian lady massage hollywood fun fun ow

2/28 burned


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

yr end revu: january

no tweeting


1/2 regrets, i have a few

1/3 took a pretty picture of ali

1/4 dont click if you get jealous about LA’s weather

1/5 hiked, took pics, bitched

1/6 just one of many things i learned about hitchcock

1/7 i took a pretty picture of sass

1/8 the day they announced the replacements would play coachella

1/9 personally i like it when ppl take selfies

1/11 how on earth is ashley 32?

1/14 i asked diane von furstenberg if i could take her picture, she said sure

1/15 hey tony what were your favorite films of 2013, in order?

1/16 had tacos with sass, meredith and chokey chicken

1/17 longest day of the year: oscar nominations, chilling at the american apparel hq

1/18 diane von furstenberg commented on my insta, nbd

1/19 took a long walk up a short mountain

1/20 ate noodles with a chinese girl and the guy who takes sexy pics for a sexy company

1/21 michelle obama proving that she has the best hops of any first lady

1/22 the tony pierce story

1/23 kennedy and welch’s tv show’s hate mail read by their HR guy

1/24 bad news: the terrible feelings ive felt all week were kidney stones.

1/25 selfie after they said i could go home from the hospital

1/27 selfie with kim kardashian’s mom. nbd.

1/30 started driving for uber


yesterday the plan was, just go to LAX and see what happens

DTLA


mostly because it’s really hard to get passengers at LAX if you’re uberx because all the people who want rides are in the terminals but we are not allowed in the terminal area.


but the good news is, if you can somehow get someone leaving the airport you’ll probably get around $20, which is nearly impossible to do just driving around the streets of LA during this dead post-Christmas week.


my goal was $100 for the day, because thats also impossible. and for some reason i like impossible things.


so i drove towards LAX, which is ridic because you should never do that, you should go somewhere where there are people (DTLA, Hollywood, Santa Monica) and then just sit and wait.


because it’s dead i drove pretty much from beverly hills to santa monica without a ping, which tells me one of two things, either it’s dead or uber has flooded the market with drivers, who, like me, have this week off of their real jobs. either way, it’s miserable unless you have an impossible dream.


LAdid a few short rides around Santa Monica/Venice on my way to LAX (one tourist, two locals) and got to LAX and boom, a nice young black lady pinged me from the Hilton. she had taken the free hotel shuttle, summoned me, texted me telling me where she was in the hotel (valet area) and we had a fantastic ride to the Hollywood Hills ($25).


at this point it was 4:30pm so i decided to go home and take a three hour break.


played with the cats, played my new NBA2K15, talked to a pretty girl, then took a shower.


around 7:30pm i was back on the road towards LAX. picked up 3 hot babes in mid city who were headed to the Clippers game. it was already half time. they were drunkish because it was one of their birthdays. they all sat in the back seat and reviewed all the times they had gotten wasted together (mardi gras, various college parties, and a few local bashes)


an example of their discussion:


“Mandy, why didn’t you party with us much in college?”


“Well, freshman year i was shy, sophomore year i was fat, junior year i was skinny but devoted to working out and studying, and senior year i studied abroad”.


dropped them off at the game, it was only $12, got frustrated that a trip halfway across the city pays so little, so i got on the freeway to LAX to see if i could get another $25 ride.


got pinged almost right away but it was a guy in the terminal who dropped his pin away from the terminal and asked me if i could pick him up in terminal 2. my facebook uber groups tell me that this is a trap. sure some real passengers do this, but airport cops also do this to trick us and then they impound our cars. so i told the dude no.


got pinged again but it was a local couple who wanted to go to Dave and Busters. babe was super hot and was excited about beer and video games? mama mia.


while driving back to LAX got pinged over by Kanpai, it was two groups of college kids who had ordered two ubers. they were going to some rave at the Shrine by USC. thats the good news, the bad news was a kid about 18 with a floppy hat asked if i had an AUX cord so he could blast his bad EDM and good hip hop. i still have a headache, but whatevs, $25.


thats right, from LAX down the 405 across the 10 and up the 110 is $25.36.


one of the kids wanted to tip me through the app but i told him it wasnt possible yet, and probably never. whatevs. i only needed one more $25 ride and the goal was mine. didnt really wanna burn gas by going back to LAX and i felt sorta lucky to get the rides i did from there so i drove around DTLA.


got a hot babe and sort of a dickish dude at a bar. she was drunk and all over him, he was playing it cool but saw my cubs hat and complimented Theo for all of his off season moves. put a smile on my face, but the $4 ride only gets me $2.50 so i moved on.


right away i got beeped to what seemed like the LA Times. turned out it was. turned out it was a newish reporter who wanted to go to West Covina (!), turned out i know almost everyone he works with, we had a good chat. $28 so i got an in n out and called it a night. goal met.


150 miles driven to make $100. this is why many consider this once fun and profitable side hustle a grind.


Monday, December 29, 2014

the boys wanted to meet for breakfast on sunday

christopher scheer, ben sullivan, tony pierce


normally im against such things, but i never get to hang with chris and ben


i was at CJ’s soul food at 9am on the dot, the fellas were too.


we sat in a booth in the back and discussed all the good things three bachelors would:


motorboats, journalism, jeff solomon.


as i drove home i realized that even though we chatted for two hours, we never talked about sports


even though we all love sports.


for some reason i considered that a backhanded success.


Sunday, December 28, 2014

how most bears fans feel about jay cutler

girl


even though he just led them to their worst season in decades


so weird.


i hate him so much.


Saturday, December 27, 2014

im procrastinating going out there in the world

LA


it’s super slow to drive. yesterday was ok. but only made like $100. must double that today.


was thinking about just going to the airport and back 10 times and see if i can make $200.


but then i think, is that any way to live?


meh.


is sitting around playing last years version of NBA 2k any way to live either?


what is the way to live? lots of my friends have kids, theyre doing whatever the kids wanna do.


thats the furthest removed thing that i remember from my childhood, and i loved my childhood!


id go to the movies but ive seen everything.


not true. still must see:


american sniper, nightcrawler, all the foreign films, and snowpiercer.


maybe i’ll do that tomorrow.


today we eat lunch and drive.


Friday, December 26, 2014

bad santa

bad santa


elf

national lampoons christmas vacation

trading places

miracle on 34th street


a merry busblog Christmas wish

merry christmasthis is now the 13th Christmas that the busblog has been around. i know, seriously?


almost every day for the last year ive had a struggle about what to post or how.


do i make something fantastical, bizarre, and weird


or do i simply report the facts in a boring way and get on with real life.


ive done my best to mix the two because boring isnt beautiful.


but i have the desire to make things weirder and weirder because thats what hendrix taught us and for some reason we resist.


so heres my plan for the upcoming year.


i have about a dozen secret blogs. theyre all boring, which defeats the purpose.


so on the world famous busblog going forward things will get weird.


then on the super secret down and dirty try to find it korean hackers blog will be the real life tales of the day. like old school journal diary three ring binder omg i cant believe what happened today.


but since nothing in here is true who knows what i’ll do.


my only hope is it isnt boring because the worst thing you could do to your reader is waste their time.


i have to go into work today because my work-from-home computer isnt syncing with my desk computer


then im gonna drive around LA because LA is all sparkley from last weeks rains and blow dried from the winds. it’s gorgeous.


also cuz i miss driving and i get to do it for the next two weeks straight.


too bad i cant bring the kittens.


wish i could.


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

im constantly baffled at how we dont let computers do computing

team america


how hard would it be to write a little script that says


if we are really offering people less than a dollar for their used DVDs


then dont offer to buy them, because it makes us look like cheap ass asswipes


?


and if people really are sending in their dvds to get a thirty cent gift card


then fuck Team America, make a movie about these people.


way more interesting than damn puppets.


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

CAR CHASE CHANNEL 9

MALIBU CAR CHASE


pretty good car chase tonight


prettier gooder live tweeting from you know who




Tuesday, December 16, 2014

this ones for my mom, who i dont dedicate enough things to

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my mom loves dave, and darlene, and paul


and this mashup of Darlene Love renditions of Christmas, Baby Please Come Home on the Late Show


is something i’m pretty sure my momma would love.


watch it on your laptop or ipad ma!


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

Monday, December 15, 2014

someone should start selling ads to go inside uber cars

pbrpeople who ride in ubers are in a car for a good 15-30 minutes.


they’re technically savvy.


good chance theyve got some dispensable income


and, they have a smart phone in their hands


and nothing to do.


what if the ad on the back of the seat said something like


come to this website for a chance to win 2 free uber rides a week.


and then you sell whatever you wanna sell on that site.


or what if the ad on the back of the pack of gum you pay drivers to hand out


has a website, your website, on it and you’re giving away ipads to lucky winners


or better yet, something even cheaper than those these days,


60″ led tvs.


uber passengers are many brands absolute target audience


and uber cant tell drivers what they can or cannot have in their cars


because technically the drivers are not employees of uber.


brands never get direct access to the gatekeepers of their target.


have a code to enter the sweepstakes, that code of course is the drivers ID


and give the driver $20 for each person that signs up on your site.


best believe you’ll get some damn sign ups.


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

ive seen a lot of bad movies this year

inherent vice


Inherent Vice was one of them


a waste of good acting by Phoenix and Brolin


a wtf story that probably should never have been adapted to screen


muddled dialogue that was intended to mimic stoney thoughts


all together a mess that i wasted way too much money on.


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

Sunday, December 14, 2014

theres so much i havent done in my life

terry and juliette


ive never gotten a tattoo


ive never put my thumb in a girls mouth and taken a picture


while someone else was taking a picture of me.


ive never been to catalina.


ive never been to greece.


ive never kissed a girl and then her sister.


ive never written a screenplay.


ive never been to yankee stadium.


ive never been in the white house.


ive never been to the super bowl or the grammys.


ive never been to any of the halls of fame.


ive never kissed a girl on a gondola in florence.


ive never been to the watts tower.


ive never been to the world series.


i have no stories to tell.


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

Saturday, December 13, 2014

even though im a devout Christian, my favorite Christmas tradition is hoarding

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once a year my favorite clothing line Obey has a sample sale either in Compton or Irvine


kids get to the warehouse in the wee hours to nab what is often deep discounts


on some of the most stylish, sought-after, and $$$$ clothes out there.


because im a cheapskate and super loyal to my favorite brands ive been going


for years and years and years and years


because i was driving last night till 3am and didnt get to sleep till 5am, i didnt get out of the house until mid-afternoon,


which turned out to be perfecto because there were zero lines when i arrived in the OC at 2:30pm


a lot of the clothes had been picked through but that was ok, there was still plenty of great deals.


but with no lines and no time limit to shop it was such a dream come true


that i even came back after eating lunch to pick up three Obey pillows


that i realized would be perfect on my bed.


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as blaring music pumped through the cavernous checkout lanes i asked one of the cashiers if they were suprised by the seemingly low turnout


she said it was busy in the morning, and they all expected today to be the busiest day


but assumed that because Obey/Giant advertised, for the first time ever, that this year’s sale would happen this weekend AND next weekend, perhaps the mad frenzy was killed.


fine with me, if the kids of so cal don’t wanna get $100 pants for $25 and $150 sweaters for $20, then more for me.


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no huge surprises in this year’s layout, however it was nice to see that the women’s section is about double the size of last year


which was about double from the year prior.


the accessory table was ok, the hat section was huge, however the tshirts were a bit wanting.


i got some flannels, some sweatshirts, a few tshirts and the famous pillows


$118 out the door.


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every year another thing happens when i go to the Obey sale: i feel so fat.


they have some of the best shirts that really look horrible if you have even the slightest belly.


because i look about 5 months pregnant i shied away from the shirts this year


and instead opted for the more forgiving numbers.


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

need, want

Friday, December 12, 2014

“growing up in the desert, you learn to love love love the rain”

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the best people i met this week, so far, were these Saudi students who loved me right back.


the young lady in the back in the red scarf was telling me all these great stories of living here for the last two year


so i said baby you really need to start a blog, americans, including myself know NOTHING about what its like to be young and saudi


living in the USA.


she said oh they wont like it. all they’ll want to know is why we dress this way and why can’t i drive a car in saudi arabia.


and i said then start there. say my name is this, i wear these clothes out of respect to my culture


and even though i can’t drive a car in the most conservative country in the middle east


i can in the USA, but when i get lucky i ride in an uber with the handsome tony pierce.


everyone laughed.


me the loudest.


i asked them if it was true that they cant drink or smoke weed or have wild orgies back home and they said yes.


one of them told me that they saw a friend of theirs drunk here in the states and they almost called 911


because they had never seen a drunk person before(!)


and after seeing that, they never wanted to get drunk themselves.


i said, fair enough, but lemme tell you something about sex drugs and rock n roll


true you look silly when youre drunk, but as long as youre around your friends you should be ok. just dont drive.


also, ive been drunk once or twice in my life but the dumbest ive ever looked was when i was in love.


point, noted, they all agreed.


red scarf girl then said, i always wanted to come to the States to see what life was like here


but now that i’ve been here for a while i see that the grass is always greener


and now i just realize i just want to be a good little muslim girl.


as we waited for the light to change by the pier we took a selfie and i said blog, kids, blog!


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

if i could explain it i would

its happening


but i cant and i wont and i know but i dont but it is


i keep saying one day i’ll write it but i never do


i hate looking backwards because im not sure but i hate it


i dream about whats ahead and thats lame too


and when the moment is bursting im living it


im probably the worst blogger of all time


who has written for so long.


with that said, shits going down so get ready.


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

how monicas mom is partially responsible for the world famous busblog

monicamany moons ago, long before i was lured by the underground santa barbara mafia, the xbi, i was a mere high school lad with an afro.


on my first day of school i was nervous beyond belief for i had known all of my friends since kindegarten and never had problems finding amigos since i was the one newbies had to meet, not vice versa.


until freshman year of high school. the year all of our little junior highs merged into one huge supergroup high.


i was scared for several reasons, one was being one of a handful of black kids in a school of 100 was difficult, but not impossible. but being one of 1,000 was daunting to say the least.


but then first period of my first class on my first day the prettiest girl i could ever imagine sat next to me and introduced herself as monica. i could barely get a hello out from my braces but after we did we became super close friends for the next four years.


not only was she easy on the eyes but she was super smart and played clarinet in illinois’ best high school marching band. eventually she would convince me to join my senior year and it turned out to be my favorite part of my whole high school experience.


next to sitting next to her of course.


these were the days before cell phones and the internet and text messages and skype but there was electricity and landline telephones. and one of the things that i will never forget is trying to call monica at her home and having to deal with the family’s call screener, her mother, a very stern German woman who saw no good in young boys phoning up her eldest daughter, and made it known if not verbally, psychically.


still we would chat and quickly the conversation would be interrupted, which was ok, because it would lead me to write her all sorts of notes in school, including stories and perverted poems and drawings, which later would lead me to a life of writing on blogs like this one.


often for pay!


so thank you monica’s mom, my success in the creative arts, is due, in part to you and your (rightfully) protective behavior.


because of the work i was forced to do via the xbi, i was forbidden to go to any high school reunions or keep in touch with anyone from my innocent past. but thanks to the miracle of facebook, i have been able to catch a glimpse of what has been going on with my longest friend bob, a few of my fellow general managers, and this pal or that. a few christmases ago i even got to make out with a high school crush who first turned me onto led zep. when i returned to LA the xbi reminded me of how dangerous that was and i agreed and reluctantly passed on a milestone reunion a few months ago when i was in my old hometown.


of the few people i would have loved to have seen was my dear friend monica, who reached out to me yesterday on facebook by friending me. i had no idea she was even on facebook, nor did i have any clue that she has blossomed into an even prettier version of what i remember.


but what i really remember from being one of her bffs during those super important adolescent years is how important real friends are. monica was as genuine as could be, honest, sincere, and sweet. there was never anything up her sleeve, she was a good sport, and she was everything you’d expect from a midwestern girl who would commute to downtown a few times a month with her hot friend sonja to go to German class.


one reason i’m rarely without my Cubs hat is to remind the xbi that no matter what ive done with them or what they hope to do with me, at heart i am a goofy midwestern boy with a dirty story to slip your way when you least expect it on the bus on the way to winning best in state. inspired and encouraged by mythical babes like monica.


Want something else to read? How about 'Grievous Censorship' By The Guardian: Israel, Gaza And The Termination Of Nafeez Ahmed's Blog

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

ernest hemingway + eva gardner

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While staying with Hemingway at his villa in San Francisco de Paula in Havana, Cuba,

Gardner once swam alone with no bathing suit in his pool.


After watching her, Hemingway ordered his staff:

“The water is not to be emptied”.


might need to do something different over the winter break

jack


not sure what it is.


maybe write.


maybe not.


maybe just drive drive drive.


did that over thanksgiving and all i did was make money and get sore arms.


maybe redecorate the crib.


but we are hearing a rock club is opening up next door, which would be horrible


theres already no parking, now its gonna be loud till 2am


no one wants that.


not sure what i can do thats differnt except write a novel.


or a tell all.


or a tell nothing.


id really prefer to write some art.


art is the only thing that calms the savage beast.


Monday, December 8, 2014

today is bree’s birthday, she’s 24

bree


there are many reasons to love bree but the best is because she’s one of the few remaining


real bloggers in the world.


many have dropped off the face of the world and that’s sad.


but whats super great about bree is not only is she still blogging but she’s more honest and critical and insightful than ever.


which isnt easy. especially when some of the people you’re blogging about are reading you.


whether it is work people, friends, boyfriends, whoever, if bree has an opinion about them she will let it out.


we need more of this.


i need to be more like this.


tonight bree is having a birthday party in a sweet spot but sadly i cant make it because of


xbi commitments, but i will make it up to her very soon


tonight she will be surrounded by many of her friends, they will take outrageous photo booth pics


and eat pizza and celebrate this very special young lady who has turned into the type of person we all hope to be:


someone Gwen Stefani would approve of.


happy birthday bree! see you on the hiking trail!


lindsay from long ago emailed me

lindsay


she said im in LA. show me everything and talk my face off.


i said i can only do that if we can eat tacos.


she said can sushi be smooshed in there somewhere?


i said i know it was 10 years ago when you first came to LA the same week all the canadians did


but are you still 20?


me and lindsay


yes, she said. of course.


picked her up at the ritz and her hair was a little different but yep, still 20.


which was good because im still 24.


so we had sushi and drinks and the next day she texted and said hey sleepyhead wanna go hiking


i asked, hiking?


she was all, yeah, i saw the girls on The Hills climb runyon, do you know where it is?


so for the first time in a long time i went up runyon. it was empty because of ciclavia


but we did see Rachel Hunter, rod stewart’s former wife, so that was nice


then we drove around LA figuring out where her company could build a taj mahal.


eating tacos along the way.


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my phone beeped to remind me to pick up two pies at the house of pies


because Kim and Os were having a tree trimming.


the pies were a big hit, as was the bash.


all of your friends were there including special guests Barney and MC Brown.


the house was full and warm and everyone was having a great time.


i finally met dave ladelfas husband, it was nice to see how all the kids had grown and found jobs


and best of all i heard a rumor of some new musical activity happening somewhere involving some people i know


but my leak wouldnt tell me who was involved or if it was a rock opera or not.


but of course it had to be.


then we saw a special screening of Big Eyes and were delighted.


all in all, good weekend, but now im pooped.


Saturday, December 6, 2014

but first, a selfie

angelina


Angelina Jolie wiping the tears away from an emotional fan who suffered a panic attack in the frenzied crowd outside of The Daily Show studio in NYC earlier this week.


white cops kill unarmed black men, cops dont face trial

waveswhen you grow up black, especially with a huge afro, especially in an all white neighborhood, you learn a few things


mostly from your relatives who grew up in the south.


keep your hands out of your pockets in stores

dont browse for too long

dont put anything in your pockets

always get a receipt

dont put anything in your bags

when walking in the streets walk in the streets

and when dealing with the cops

do everything they say right away

because for some reason blacks end up in jails

or dead.


we saw rodney king beat by a group of cops in the streets


the first viral video


we saw the cops face trial and all get off.


they got off on rodney king then they got off on rodney king.


people sure love to talk about how OJ got off but when was the last time you heard about all those cops getting off on rodney king.


thousands of people rioted over six straight days in LA after those cops were acquitted by that jury in simi valley


thousands of people were arrested.


after the federal case only two of the four cops were sent to prison


despite serving up 56 baton blows in the 81 seconds of video and nearly killing mr king.


so the sad thing is many blacks had no faith that local courts would find cops guilty enough in these recent officer-involved deaths to make them stand trial


and i for sure didnt expect any of them, if they did go to court, to serve any jail time.


because rodney king.


Friday, December 5, 2014

hadnt driven all week but last night i did

lana and courtneypicked up a guy who only had a four rating. i was thinking about not picking him up because it was surging but he was outside of the surge


and he only had a four rating – which is pretty bad.


but cancelling people is what taxis would do, not uber, or at least not me.


also, no one is gonna become a billionaire driving people from the 90210 to westwood and then wait and wait and wait to then drive them to 90069.


hour and a half, $30.


yes im doing it wrong but isnt that what ive done my whole life. isnt that what we’re supposed to do.


didnt the bible pretty much start off with adam and even doing the wrong thing?


do we truly love the stories of the straight and narrows? how many novels about good upstanding priests do you know about.


its always about the crooked and the demented and the dirty and the rebellious.


it’s all about huck finn paying someone off to white wash the fence. then smoking a pipe with nigger jim.


next ride was two smoking hot babes who wanted to go to DTLA. they talked about their work and their sorta boyfriends and this girl who disguised being a lesbian but whose girlfriend is gonna get a sex change.


“why, if you love women and they love you,” the one behind me asked, “would you stop being a woman and try your best to be a man – the one sex your girlfriend doesnt want?”


dropped them off and got a chatty chinese banker girl who asked why do you drive? i said to meet chinese girls who smell like spring.


she said do i smell like spring?


i said come a little closer.


she leaned over.


spring.


Thursday, December 4, 2014

sorta disappointed by the new grates record

the grates


which shouldnt be surprising. i hate most things when i first hear them,


sorry new ac/dc record.


and i appreciate the grates for trying something new, as they often do,


this time it’s more stark and punk rock, and minimalistic.


but it seems like they hurried this together because they are about to have a lil baby


which is sweet and cute but how about just dont record until you actually have songs?


patience can sing, jon is a musical genius, but talent alone wont get the job done


otherwise Yngvie Malmsteen would be more popular than the Beetles.


i will still listen to it endlessly over the next few weeks bc i love them


and i will hope i can hear things in the upcoming listens that im not hearing now


which usually happens


but on first glance, yikes


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

is it wrong to want to go back

isla vista


when i was younger i always wanted to go backwards.


when i got to cali all i wanted was to go forwards.


i see people stay in the same place and do pretty much the same thing and it makes me curious which is the best way.


last night i had some people over at my place. it was weird saying that ive been there for 13 years.


it’s nice to have cheap rent, but if i had a 30 year mortgage id be more than a 1/3 through it by now.


but thats crazy because 13 years ago they shouldnta even rented me an apartment i was so broke and worthless.


regardless i want to go back to isla vista. not because it needs me, it’ll be fine, but because it’s the prettiest


and wildest, and most magical spot ive ever lived in.


the dora the explorer in me says, hey lets find somewhere even better.


we have half of our lives left to find more. lets find more and better and tastier.


but isn’t that being gluttoney? ive found the spot. why more?


but then the lewis and clark in me says, when columbus landed on plymouth rock


that was fine. and when we kept going west, that was even better.


but imagine if we stopped at kentucky.


and the mark twain in me says, never stop at kentucky.


do we appreciate madonna, of course

madonnais it nice that she got naked and semi-naked for a recent Interview magazine spread


duh.


should everyone get lingerie and pose in motels with forgiving lighting? probably.


but heres the thing about madonna: she is incapable of shocking us any longer, but that doesnt mean it’s over for her.


however, this ultra strong image is played out. we expect it from her. and i dont wanna say it’s boring but it’s, well, it’s boring.


how about show us some vulnerability. you can be strong and confident and the boss and still be fragile.


if i was the photographer id say madonna, lets try to work on a scene where you play the role of the near-virgin


i know it’s a stretch, but heres something you havent done in forever. lets try to take pictures that would fit into that Springsteen song he wrote for the Pointer Sisters.


you know the one


I’m driving in my car

I turn on the radio

I’m pulling you close

You just say no

You say you don’t like it

But girl I know you’re a liar

‘Cause when we kiss

Ooooh


Fire


because sadly this bored dominatrix who has run out of men to overpower no longer has any edge


how many times are you gonna sing the same song?


Interview is andy warhol’s magazine


would we have loved him if all he painted was soup cans his whole life.


madonna in disney princess costumes


madonna in petticoats


madonna in pretty things.


that would be photos that would go viral.


but this is just one more session that people are going to forget. sadly.


Monday, December 1, 2014

do dreams mean anything, like really

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other than that bible guy who figured out everything because of his dreams, has anyone else?


like are you more likely to win the lottery and actually buy some of the things your heart dreams for


than actually learning anything from your dreams that you dont already know?


heres things i already know: the cubs will win the world series in 2-3 years.


after the cubs win the world series i will be married.


after i get married i will adopt some african kids


after i adopt the kids they will grow up and become famous athletes


and musicians.


because they had learned spanish at a young age, whenever they talk to the press they will do it


en espanol to prove a point.


whats the point, you may ask?


that dreams that you dream at night can come true.


omg it was danielle’s birthday yesterday

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she texted me saying she was gonna come up here to celebrate with me but for some reason i thought she meant next weekend


but then she texted me later during the rainstorm saying she had arrived in santa monica


and i was all, wait, this weekend?!? she was like yeah. i went what.


so i pulled a few strings and got the rain to stop today so we could hang out.


i have missed danielle so. and ive definitely missed her blawwwwg.


there are some people who just radiate all the positive things in the world all at once


and yet their writing is so dark. it makes you appreciate those who can show all the aspects of life.


i really need to work on my secret blog so i can exorcise the darker aspects of my mind.


it’s a slippery slope though for me because it could easily lead to depression for me.


anyways i cant wait to see danielle today and i will post some pics and tell her you said hi.