a million years ago today Greg Vaine had an art show

i wanna do something on Medium. why not.

im thinking about putting old busblog posts on there. because no one else is.

i feel like i have 90% crud on this blog, which means 10% is halfway decent so why not repackage it like they do in box sets.

plus millions of people havent even ever heard of this thing so why not let them see it in a different frame.

so i was thinking about making a blog that is What Happened Today in the Past on the Busblog.

so i went back in the archives and the first thing i saw was a link to this photo essay of me chris and jeanine going to Greg’s art show where he had painted, among other things, a bunch of portraits of a few of his friends.

i was (and am) so honored that he chose me to be one of his subjects. i remember sitting for him for hours as he got my afro just right. then he painted.

i remember that being a really great day. it was so nice to hang with all of our friends. we’ve known each other for so long, it’s nuts. and theyre all so talented.

im not sure how medium would take it. old stuff? from a not famous dude? and so much of it is dirty lies? would it work? would it translate?

shouldnt i just trudge on into the future? shouldnt i try to write smart essays like all the other ppl on that thing?

who knows. no one knows. the web was just a blank canvas that al gore laid out for us and porn got thrown on there and then ebay and now pretty much anything you ever wanted is on there, but mostly cats.

time to shave my head and start the work week.

jake arrieta just tossed a no hitter at dodger stadium just cuz

we’re gonna win the world series, i hope you know.

something interesting was happening when jake was closing the game out,

Live on MTV, Kanye West was delivering a crazy speech.

because im insane, i have two tvs in my bedroom specifically for moments like this.

meanwhile my man Ben was flying at 30,000 feet above mexico city and asked me to Periscope the no no

so i did

AND the kanye speech.

you can see it by clicking here.

it’s art, basically.

two years ago today robin thicke peaked and fell in the same night

everybodygetup

the singer’s “blurred lines” video and single were top of the charts

it was produced by the red hot pharrell and his video featured the impossibly sexy emily ratajkowski,

it was cool, it was fun, and perfectly coifed robin thicke stood there as

the models strutted around him and pharrell counted the money.

and there he was center stage at the mtv vmas as miley cyrus finished singing her tune

all about she could do what ever she wanted

billy ray’s daughter then stripped off her clothes revealing a nude two piece number

and the pair traded lines on blurred lines, namely

i know you want it.

while miley touched the Beetle Juice dressed thicke’s nether regions

with an oversized foam finger

and then bent over in front of him for about one second

and minds blew around the world.

and when it was over he smiled all the way to the backstage,

changed clothes

and then posed with a young lady

and just his luck there was a mirror behind them.

reflecting her behind, which was being assisted by his giant paw

sorry, giant married paw.

and just his luck the young lady posted the photo on instagram, she says unaware of anything more than her face and his face, never noticing the wander hand.

and then it all fell apart. just that quickly it was over. no one wanted to hear the overplayed song any more. everyone felt skeezy dancing to it. no one wanted to support a handsome pop singer doing what handsome pop singers do when they run across pretty girls backstage.

thicke apologized so much to his wife he even wrote an apology album and named it after her but that didnt work because sometimes the game is over and it doesnt matter how many times you say Beetlejuice nothings gonna change.

and then he got sued by Marvin Gaye’s estate for ripping off the late soul singer without crediting him and thicke lost millions.

the end

stay in school, dont do drugs

dont drink and text and drive

and keep your hands to yrself

cubs lost, but we won

todd, lily and i went to the cubs game friday because it was all you can drink for free beer night

typically i dont go to games where great pitchers are on the mound cuz theyre boring

but what are you gonna do: Not see clayton kershaw take on the cubbies on a friday night?

todd and i worked at the times together. lily and i worked at kpcc together.

lily now works at the times along with several people i worked at kpcc with

because the cream always rises to the top.

all of them are quietly saving the paper from oblivion

but dont tell anyone, it’s a secret.

we had front row seats because thats all the xbi ever sends me.

i had two super dodger dogs and two goose island from chicago beers.

a couple of people walked past me and saw my cubs hat and said mean things

and to each of them i responded with a version of

thats ridiculous, the cubs have lost so many times to the dodgers you should be buying me hella beers rn.

one day i’ll get a beer out of it.

i took an uber to the times and on the ride the guy told me he was probably going to watch the game at a restaurant and then see if he could uber someone out of the game.

i said, dude we have an extra ticket. tell you what, if you drive us to the game, i’ll give you the extra for free.

he was so happy.

i was happy too because for some weird reason i was having the hardest time finding a fourth person to go with us.

but then before we got to the paper he got a text.

his girlfriend won tickets to a burlesque show at the dragonfly.

so he was all, i’ll tell you what, i’ll drive you up there for free anyways.

when we got to the paper we picked up lily, then swung over to union station to get todd

and there we saw the free shuttles to the stadium

so we told uber guy no bother and got on the shuttle and this dude had a ryne sandberg hat from ’84.

the year that will live in infamy.

but the dude was too young to realize that probs.

after the game we did yoga at the train station.

todd won.

what it feel like to be a gen x stereotype

i want to drive, i dont want to drive.

its 7am. i could get a few rides in before work but im sitting here writing you. im motivated and unmotivated. im katy perry because im hot and im cold. im in then im out.

drove ok yesterday. first of the week. everything went fine. even caught an airport ride from the place where i shoulda gotten one, to the place where they shoulda gone. afterwards i drove home, ate some of jeanine’s homemade chili and watched fox news lose its mind that on one side they cant control trump and on the other hand now hillary is calmly calling them terrorists.

this morning erik erickson is waving the white flag of surrender, saying the GOP is over. dead. finito. and of course he puts a picture of abe lincoln on there AS IF THE GOP HAS HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH HONEST ABE SINCE THE 1800s.

he’s just butthurt that his bff the Koch Bros cant beat Obama, can’t beat Trump, and next year wont be able to beat Hillary. instead of saying that he is part of the problem and this problem started when Reagan traded arms for hostages, he blames the real estate tycoon from new york.

bro, you and your party lied about 9/11, lied about iraq, then did everything they could to dishonor and block the first black president from doing Anything in office despite what the american people wanted.

the american people want universal health care.

the american people want equal rights for all, including the gays and lesbians.

the american people want and end of the drug war.

and the american people, year after year, are more diverse, interesting, and courageous than those we see on Fox News.

the GOP is dead in the water because it has failed to change with the times and it has failed because it has been sucking on the teet of the 1% while preaching to the base that this is what you do if youre patriotic or some shit.

actually i dont know what they preach other than fear

fear

fear.

i do want to drive but i also want to write. i want to write about how this is the 10th anniversary of katrina and 10 years ago the busblog would get 50 comments a post on topics like this and more on topics like black people loot, white people borrow.

katrina was an a-1 example that Bush was a puppet for Cheney and didn’t know what to do when it was his time to really lead. because the VP didn’t give one crap about climate change or the environment or the suffering people of New Orleans, he didn’t know how to instruct W as to what to do down there, so W flew over it and later told Brownie heck of a job.

if erik erickson wants to point fingers on when this country realized that the GOP was only in it for the money, look no further than that moment, because it was obvs that they werent in public service for the public.

do i think its over for the republicans? no. they will survive only because the democrats have their own dirty diaper of problems that they refuse to clean up. they too are beholden to the rich. they refuse to abolish money from politics. they are terrified of falling on the sword. even though they see with their own eyes how Obama has been able to push his agendas through the system, theyre too cowardly to do as he did.

and for damn sure theyre terrified to take on the NSA, the pentagon, and the NRA. so a pox on their house too.

to quote the first batman movie, this town needs an enema, and Donald Trump smells like the right one to give it to them.

we may all die in the process, but the good thing is, if youve been a good little boy or girl, when you die you go to heaven.

this is barely even on a bob dylan album

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it didnt make the cut for Blonde on Blonde even though dylan took 19 takes of it.

even though it’s amazing.

even though even with the abrupt ending, it’s perfect.

Yes, you, you just sit around and ask for ashtrays, can’t you reach?

the only way you can buy it is to spend $33 – or stream it.

how incredible is that? its almost like he doesnt want us to have it.

this is how art should be.

all the time.

art should always play hard to get when its this good.

ah mama mia

do you really need to be that close, camera dude?

last night i had dinner and gelato with a pretty girl

we talked about all sorts of things ranging from sex drugs rock

then she asked me if i ever had one who got away.

they all got away.

or i wasnt ready for any of them.

or if i was ready they werent ready.

but ready for what?

all we have is this moment. isnt that all we should want?

isnt this all a walk in the woods?

do we really want all the stuff to walk with us?

doesnt enough of it come anyways?

you never know what will happen when you answer those sorts of questions honestly, so you might as well.

i tolder no one ever got away because no ones mine to begin with

im not even mine.

theres a picture of me when im like 10 in little league. for so long i wanted to stay true to that kid. but that kid had no idea what was gonna happen today.

actually that kid used to say: wouldnt it be great if every time you turned on the tv it showed you right where you left off right before you turned it off?

so maybe he did know whats up.

it was Born to Run’s birthday yesterday, it’s 40

i took a long walk last night for a few reasons. one was because i wanted to rest my hands.

the other was because uber has hired way too many cars and i didnt get one ride after work.

so i walked.

and as i walked i listened to Born To Run on its birthday and was amazed as always.

im a weirdo. if i love a record i wont play it. i dont want it to get old. i never want to be bored of Born to Run.

how do you start a record with Thunder Road? hows that even possible? it’s possible if thats your only song. or maybe if you only have two good songs.

but when all of the songs are ridiculously good and different how you gonna just have a screen door slam as Mary’s dress sways?

when Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out comes on you realize Thunder Road was just an alley to TAFO’s oop?!

what?

it was all just an intro for The Big Man?

no wonder from the coastline to the city all the little pretties raise their hands.

“Night” i can live without. perfectly fine. and for sure id take it on one of Bruce’s current albums, but what the hell is this Backstreets? probably the most overlooked tune on this record. just as dramatic as any of the others. just as idealistic. just as emotional.

theres a reason the best Bruce zine back in the day was called Backstreets. fuck.

side two and there’s Born to Run. a song so iconic and perfect when i listen to it i think about the time i walked past this normal apartment house and its door was open and i could see inside and above the couch was a framed print of the Mona Lisa.

its like who puts the mona lisa in their house? are they being ironic? is it a beautiful joke? is it the funniest joke in the world?

how about this for the funniest joke in the world: springsteen was about to be fired from Columbia. his first two records (the wild and the innocent, and greetings from asbury park) were not really flops, but the label were disappointed with their sales. they wanted to give Bruce just

one. more. chance.

and that last chance turned out to be the mona lisa: born to run.

the joke is today labels dont give bands three records. you get one. one and done. theres no vision theres no patience. theres no artist DEVELOPMENT. as much as i love bruce’s first two records, and trust me LOVE is the word, theyre not born to run.

and that song. holy.

that song is so strong its almost ashame that something has to follow it. who bats after The Babe?

Gehrig. and in this case that’s She’s The One.

another anthem. another pleading wolf in the moonlight

With her long hair falling / And her eyes that shine like a midnight sun

oooooooooooh ohhhhhhhh shes the one!

fuck bon jovi.

bon jovi has no shes the one following no born to run. fucking fakers. yet radio wants to pretend they do.

but we’re not done. theres still two songs left on this record. the super 70s Meeting Across The River which is basically the origin story of The Sopranos

and then Jungleland

it’s almost as interesting to think about how Jungleland ends than to think about what happens in it because it ends like three times. and the whole band is involved, just like how they are through the album.

its a team effort.

Meeting is about a dark, solo, borderline evil and definitely illegal venture

but Jungleland is about a team.

so as much as we are right to praise Bruce on the 40th birthday of one of music’s finest rock records, we also gotta give it up to the E Street Band for delivering something so mighty and so strong that it makes so much of todays robot music feel as shallow and ridiculous as it is.

happy birthday Mary and Wendy, Scooter and The Big Man

it is right for all the little pretties to raise their hands

weird satanist guy began as weird gamer guy

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today the web is aflutter with this video from a verbose bearded gentleman who

idontknow

is pretty damn funny with his crazy ticks and well-rehearsed monologues

but he didn’t just spring up from the River Styx and into our hearts

he first hit the web here in LA back in 2012 as weird gamer guy

voila

[embedded content]

so is it all an act? does he really worship Satan? what about Diablo?

does he ever shave his beard?

will he soon have a late night talk show where he welcomes other satanist video game players who talk as weirdly wonderfully as he does?

or will he just run the jewels

some days i have nothing to say

and then i’ll hear a neighbor being unreasonably loud in the early morning

or i’ll get an angry email from a lost love

or my cats will do something adorable and almost human like

or some asswipe on my television will outdo themselves

or my beloved chicago cubs will win a game with a bottom of the ninth home run

or i’ll be totally inspired by something unexpected and beautiful

or i’ll see it’s the anniversary of the day when a pretty girl was generous to me

or it’ll be one of my heroes birthdays which will remind me of a time i saw them in concert and wept.

one of the good things about being a million years old is you know how your body works

you know how your mind works

you know when the best times to do things are and how to do it and what will happen afterwards

and so you try to do that all day but the interesting thing about the day

is the day has a mind of its own

and does not give one crap what you think

and thats when the fun begins.

Grateful Dead to tour while fronted by John Mayer

Life is often wrong.

Maybe it’s so we can appreciate it when it’s going well.

The Dead, minus Phil, made a bad choice today. They don’t care because acid and money.

Here’s who they should have gone on their 5 city tour with instead of Mayer.

Tom Petty

Eric Clapton

Los Lobos

Bob Dylan

Jack White

Beck

Wayne Conye

Bono & the Edge

David Gilmore

Mark Knofler

Elvis Costello

J Mascis

Richard Thompson

The Donnas

X

woke up this morning and the stock market was collapsing

it had lost 1,000 points before i could even get the paper.

my txt messages were streaming in

sell! buy! hold! sell! buy! ifyoudoanythingyoureanidiot!

one of my problems is im a sucker for deals.

if anything is on sale i’ll be tempted. and if it’s two things, man.

but 10 things?

like 10 shares of apple for a grand?

no way is that gonna stay at that price i thought.

it’s apple. the gold standard.

they “failed” with that stupid watch and things were still fine.

theyre gonna win again. they’ll think something up.

they’ll make a periscope or a “magazine” or a space ship.

didnt i hear they were gonna get into the tv business?

cars? car stereos? hoverboards? shape shifters?

who’s coming to get em? Google? ha!

whats Google done lately any good?

theyre following the leader. theyre gonna make self driving cars too.

good luck with that buddies. and get ready to get sued any time theres a car accident.

thats your fault google, you built it, not mine?

I WAS TAKING A NAP IN THE CAR HOW AM I LIABLE?!

yahoo? no. one day Apple is gonna make a cheap version of their MacBooks and take the whole sector.

same with phones. not everyone has a grand to spend on a computer.

but 10 shares of stock? hmmmmm.

no way those 10 shares arent worth twice that in a year.

when they Have figured out the watch, and the tv, and the remote.

i need an apple remote.

i still have too many remotes.

why isnt my phone my remote? why do i have this tv remote, my Roku remote and my cable box remote?

where the fuck is Siri?

Siri turn on the damn tv.

You know it’s Wopner Time!

damn girl.

bought those shits at 100

and held my breath as they rose to 109 and settled at 103.

97 mo to go, ghost of steve jobs

97 mo to go

four years ago i was in an office writing about politics

but really i was writing about donald trump.

back then he was obsessed over President Obama’s birth certificate.

the thing im impressed about Trump is he was proved wrong about his concern about where the president was born, and yet it hasn’t hurt his popularity or perceived electability.

many moons ago Howard Dean excitedly yelled funny and that disqualified him from being presidential.

Trump is wrong all the time. laughably so. but conservative voters dont care. my question is: have they ever cared?

they didnt care when W invaded iraq over WMDs and links to 9/11 that proved to be wrong. indeed, they re-elected him.

they don’t care that so many of their leaders are wrong about climate change, the war on drugs, or how to tax the wealthy.

all they care about is does that fucker have an (R) next to their name.

will they keep the government away from their guns, will they fight the unfightable fight against abortions, and will they stop taxing us.

these voters dont care if their anti-gay politicians turn out to be secretly gay. these voters dont care if their politicians are in the pocket of big business and provide them with more welfare than the poort.

and weirdly, they dont care that their party’s politics hardly ever work.

so here comes trump, a guy who recently supported Hillary Clinton, and they’re all about him.

PLEASE KISS MY BABY! they cry.

YOU HAVE WHAT WE ALL WANT! they scream

RATINGS!

i listened to this song about ten times today

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“that’s enough”
by Dorothy Love Coates

Well now i heard that you been thinking bout me really i don’t mind
I know you try to block my progress a lot of the time
Well the mean things you said don’t make me feel bad
Cause I can’t miss a friend that I never had

(I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough
When I’m sick (he’s there) and troubled (he’s there)
When I call him he will answer my prayers (answer my prayers)
When I’m burdened (he’s there) with a load (he’s there)
That’s when Jesus is a comforter (to my soul)
Well you may scorn me turn your back on me
God’s got his arms wrapped all around me

(I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough
You know there’s been a lotta times that I did’nt have a dime
And i did’nt cry to nobody but my Lord
He heard my plea and came to see about me cause he’s one thing
I can afford
So if you push me down he’ll pick me up
And he’ll stick by me when the goin’ gets tough

(I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough
Well he’s the great emancipator and my heart regulator (Jesus is)
yes he is
He’ll make my way brighter and my burdens lighter yes he will
(Jesus will)
Well you may scorn me turn your back on me
God’s got his arms wrapped all around me
And he fights down the devil till he makes him give up
And thats wnough (that’s enough) that’s enough
When I’m sick (he’s there)

pretty girl direct messaged me the other day

she was all, lets meet up.

i was like, ive heard that before.

she went, no, i mean it, how about that taco stand by yr house

i said, are you a computer program?

she said beep bop beep

i didnt drive much this week because of my hands. they feel old.

about every seven years they start freaking out.

the other day i picked up a stapler and all of this pain shot to my left thumb.

it felt like it was all of the pain in my hands and arms just moved to the pad of the thumb.

xbi emailed me and said whoops, we’re experimenting on something

theyre obsessed with pain

they said, hopefully we can focus it all in one spot and then slowly shrink it till it’s unnoticeable.

ben gay didnt work. my wrist bands didnt work. it was too small.

felt like i had burned my thumb on a hot plate at a sit down mexican restaurant.

that was the only pain all day that day. and then the next morning.

this morning i got an email with the subject header of xbisolation

saying, should be gone in an hour

and then it was gone in an hour.

so yeah, i think i’ll have some tacos with that chick.

LA is a city on the planet and the NYT is on it!

heres the problem with the New York Times, they have this foolish desire to cover Los Angeles.

actually that desire isn’t terrible unto it self, but what’s dumb is they take new yorkers and move them to LA and have them write about it AS IF THERE ARE NO ACTUAL LOCALS WHO COULD DO IT BETTER.

case in point, adam nagourney, who is the NYT’s LA bureau chief, who today blocked me on Twitter (?!) because I called him out on his shitty non-story about some new Sunset Strip hotels and his shittier tweet to hype it (above).

the thesis of his far-too-long piece is OMG THEY SHUT DOWN THE HOUSE OF BLUES WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE ON THE SUNSET STRIP and guess what, guys, THEYRE BUILDING A LUXURY HOTEL !!!!11!1

anyone who has lived in LA for more than a handful of years knows that the House of Blues was not a go-to-club. it was a place you reluctantly went to because Bad Religion or Social D or GWAR was going to play there. Maybe you’d take some out of towners there to see Steel Panther or the Gospel Brunch.

on the raaaaare occasion someone actually good would be there, but for the two dozen or times that I’ve been there my favorite show was probably when Britney Spears did a 15 minute comeback lipsync secret show there billed as the M+Ms.

at it’s heart, House of Blues was a corporate chain that eventually got bought by the most corporate of all chains, Live Nation, who is a sheep in wolf’s clothing called Ticketmaster.

ONLY the NYT would try to make us shed a tear over a mediocre club owned by Ticketmaster being razed to build a high rise hotel.

by the way, none of this has to do with The Doors, who played in LOTS of places in LA a half century ago, and yes one of the venues they rocked was The Whiskey which is a curvy mile away. Big whoop.

If a local journalist would have written about it instead of someone who parachuted  in a couple of years ago, it might have been about how a) no one really loved that club anyways b) how after seeing the renovation of the Riot Hyatt into the Andaz across the street from the HOB and the ongoing success of the Mondrian next door or the Standard two blocks away OF COURSE a ticket corporation like Ticketmaster who actually doesn’t care about music would turn their club into a luxury hotel and c) this is more proof that the Sunset Strip is less about music (that trend has been moving east to Echo Park and DTLA since before poor adam moved west) and more about luxe.

instead NY Adam interviews a nearby hotelier who claims the sky is now falling (because omg competition) and the Roxy’s Nic Adler who rightfully says this is a non story. BUT WHY WOULD YOU EVER BELIEVE THE SON OF THE MAN WHO HELPED PUT ROCK ON THE MAP ON THE SUNSET STRIP?!

instead let’s publish another trend piece about LA that people in LA will laugh about because as Curbed LA wrote perfectly earlier this year “New York Times stories about Los Angeles are amazing because they’re like seeing the city through the eyes of a dorky time traveler from 1992.”

add one more to the list, boys, but be careful, nyc adam might omg block you from the twitters.

dear tony, what do you do when things look utterly dire?

first, start by knowing that when you die you go to Heaven.

second, start watching sports.

what we love in sports is the team who comes back from an impossible deficit, with their star or unlikely star on the ropes, partially injured, undersized, outclassed, who no one believes in anymore

who makes magic happen when it matters.

and wins by a narrow margin.

no one loves the blowout. no one cares for a team that starts strong and finishes strong.

even the angels and saints want drama, despite what you want.

speaking of… third, read the bible.

theres all the stories about david and goliath, but that’s a red herring because david was never the Everyman, he was a superstar with no peers from the get go.

the better stories are the ones like shadrach meshach and abednego who straight up Trusted the Lord and stayed true to who they were when they were led into the fiery furnace.

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always stay true, ponyboy.

it’s easy to whine, it’s easy to say oh woe is me, it’s easy to say damn it sure feels like forces are lining against me, but fuck that. life could be a million times worse. theres people with missing limbs, theres people who have babies and the babies are all effed up. theres people who have terrible things that have happened to their faces and brains and imagine what it is like for them to try to find a job

or try to get a girl to go with them to the dance or even a hay ride.

crappy as things might be for you, odds are you could find someone to go on a hayride with you.

start there.

then remember if parts of life weren’t tough we’d never have poetry or shakespeare or hbo or rage against the machine.

winter IS coming, fyi

are you just gonna sit there and whimper and look over at your neighbors green grass and envy what you think is going on over there.

i’ll tell you whats going on over there

none of your business is going on over there.

you have your own life to deal with, and it’s a full life, and it’s yours.

you are bigger than your struggles.

you have a terrible flu, youre in utah, and you have the ball.

do you really want to be known as the black dude who lost a basketball game in utah?

or do you wanna be known as one of the three bad brothers who casually danced into the firey furnace

[embedded content]

and then breakdanced inside it?

theres a reason you learned how to pop lock

theres a reason the Good Lord smiles when He hears your name.

theres a reason when you walk down the street all the little pretties wave their hand.

it’s because you can pull off the crazy ass shit

with style

that no one thought was even possible.

which makes them believe They can.

so if you ever feel like giving up on yourself,

remember you’re giving up on them as well.

what it felt like to drive tonight

you never know what other people are going through

when i drove Uber X my biggest issue was being patient waiting for passengers to get out of their damn houses and into my car.

at first they could spend all day getting in there and there was nothing we could do. then last year Uber made a new policy saying that if the passenger didnt get into the car after 5 minutes of us arriving at their door we could cancel the ride and charge them $5.

with Uber Plus the penalty is $10. for some reason Uber figured out how to take $2.50 out of that fine for their own pockets meaning we got $7.50 for arriving somewhere and waiting 5 minutes and then bailing.

usually it’s not worth canceling because you can make more money driving the person than you can canceling on them. especially if it is surging, which it was the other day as i waited

and waited and waited outside a swanky beverly hills home which had a Land Rover and a Bentley in the driveway.

the UberX surge was 1.9 which is a little below the rate of Uber Plus but i like to take my X people around a few times a week because they bring a different sort of energy to the ride and we often drive to very different destinations than my Plus ppl.

i shoulda known i was in trouble when the passenger called me immediately after i accepted her request and she asked me “how long will it take for you to get here?”

i told her 1 minute, which I thought pleased her.

after four minutes of waiting at her driveway i called her back. she said she’d be right out. four minutes after that I looked and saw the 1.9 surge was still happening, meaning I could cancel her, make $4 (it was UberX) for canceling and pick up someone else who had it together.

but i thought, those cars are hella expensive. im a block away from Rodeo. no way is this woman wanting me to take her up the block for a minimum fare. so i waited a few more minutes when she finally came out.

very high heels which she had trouble walking in. short dress. frown on her face. oh boy. i shoulda canceled, i thought. ALWAYS CANCEL my head said.

but i didn’t. because im nice. and you know where nice guys finish.

she gets in and tells me we are going to west LA. about a $14 ride. so it was worth the wait.

soon as we get rolling she tells me that the house was her boyfriends house. he is 60. she is 30.

she tells me that they are breaking up because she found out, via his phone, that he is dating some other girls via a website. he became upset with her for sneaking that info out of his phone. she replied by saying, she wasnt the one at fault: he was.

he said, why would you ever go into my phone?

she said his house is so big that she has her own bathroom. it’s pink. he calls it the Girls Restroom.

she told him, “i found a tampon, a used one, in the garbage in the Girls Restroom!”

he asked, “how do you know it wasnt the maid?”

she said, “the maid IS THE ONE WHO EMPTIES THE TRASH!”

finally he admitted that he was using the website to take young women to dinner but nothing ever happened. that she was his boo. that she was the only girl who was his girlfriend.

but when she said that is ridiculous, that she was old enough to know when a man was cheating on her, she decided to break up with him.

so that morning she went to his house to get her stuff.

and the reason it took her so long to get out of the house was because he wasn’t letting her pack. he was saying “no, sleep on this decision, you’ll regret it because i will never let you come back if you move your stuff out.”

so as i was waiting patiently she was crying, her heart was breaking, and all she wanted was to be able to pack her things and go.

which made me very glad that i didnt cancel, because then i would have been an extra $5 charge in her life that would have added to her pain.

i dropped her off and told her she was too young and too pretty to put up with such nonsense. move on. there are plenty of rich and not-so-rich guys out there who would never cheat.

seek them out instead.

and she cried some more and said thank you.

took a little walk last night because it had finally cooled off

heard American Apparel may go out of business.

felt bad for Dov, Sass, all the workers, as well as the billboard salespeople

maybe the geniuses who stole the company away from Dov can get into the trashy office business

apparently business is Great!

my first real job out of college i had a briefcase. and then never again.

when people talk about Corvettes, they really should stop talking about them after 1982

here is a great reason why.

i posted a lot of these on Instagram to do some “live Instagramming” but im pretty sure it just annoyed people

it was so late at night the freeways were free

the 80s called. they want to play at your rock club.

who knew Bill Maher had a star on the walk of fame?

who knew Batman didn’t?

Hollywood: where even the traffic cones are bossy

the problem with the electronic age is ppl’s penmanship is seriously lacking.

THATS what you should apologize about, neighbor

when I saw i hit my walking goal i hopped on the subway

dont let anyone tell you we dont ride the subways – even late at night – in Hollywood

finally saw Dr. Strangelove last night

im a huge kubrick fan, but im a weirdo so of course i hadnt seen this 1964 classic yet.

i have this strange quirk where if i really like something i wont watch or read all of it so i can save a little something for a rainy day.

recently i realized i live in LA. it never rains here. so i may as well get to seeing all the things i know id like and get it over with.

sundays are a good day for that because i try not to book anything on those days and just leave it to bible reading and sitting on my fat ass.

so yesterday after reading the book of Daniel, in which Shadrach, Meshack and Abenedigo danced in King Nebuckennezer’s firey furnace, i noticed that Dr. Stragelove was on Amazon Prime so i turned on my xBox and watched it like the founders intended.

i thought it was ok. not spectacular. kubrick hadnt discovered his symmetry but def had the humor down. it was interesting thinking about the battles in Full Metal Jacket compared to the battles here. but moreso he nailed the officer class in this one. dont ask me why i know.

peter sellers was incredible, but i didnt even know george c scott was in this. and how great was he.

but the best was the russian scare. we used to be terrified of them. and bombs. and world destruction.

im so glad we arent ruled by our fear of phantoms any more.

todays bukowski and madonnas birthdays, theyre 24

had a good hot weekend. it was hot. like hottern itd been all year.

slept over the covers with the windows open and the fan twirling and the cats purring and the moon looking down saying it dont look that hot from up heres

and the earth saying who the hell asked you anyways

friday ali said what are you up to tonight i said imma see a one woman show. she said no way. i said i know i never do that.

she said i wanna come. i said fine meet me at my place and we’ll take a lyft over there. she said not an uber?

i said, its good to keep the competition going.

the show was The Mermaid who learned how to Fly. kyla garcia. she was incredible. did like 20 different characters. two of them were in love with her. so basically she made out with herself twice.

once even as a lady.

it took me a little while to get into it because i dont go to plays. and it was hot. and you have to suspend your belief and just let go. but once you do, it gets fantastic.

so at first i didnt like her irish narrator fairy lady but as the play went on i kept hoping for her to come back, and when she did i was so happy. also of interest was the narrator was sorta falling apart physically as the play went on. bad back. it was funny. kyla was very surprising.

after that ali and i went to malo and ate tacos and drank margueritas. im not crazy about that place but its close and they had an outside so we cooled off.

saturday i ubered a little. hit my goal and then went to the academy to see Straight Outta Compton. it needs to be stated that since that record dropped back when i was in college, NWA and that record have been super important to me.

so to see it for free in the best theater in LA was incredible.

full house. and almost everyone stayed afterwards to hear Ice Cube, his son, the director, a producer, and the dudes who played Dr. Dre and Eazy talk about it.

ive never seen that many people stay.

or cheer so many times at the end.

i give the movie a B+ but i give ice cube an A+ for staying after the talk and taking pictures with everyone who asked. which were hundreds. he didnt care. he soaked it in.

and the movie won the weekend. making something like $60 million. smash hit of the summer. a movie about black gangsta rappers whose music is not played on the radio. and yet one of the rappers turns into a movie star another tuns into a billionaire and a third dies of AIDS. so freaky.

xbi texted me when i was still in the theatre. they wanted a favor i said no. they said order an uber and we can help you out.

i said i didnt need any help. i was happy. i was in great spirits and i wasnt gonna do squat on sunday. they said dont be a dope, order an uber.

and when i did a toyota avalon appeared with this great reggae singer as a driver

and two swedish girls in the back

and the whole trip i thought, theyre gonna kill me, arent they?

this is how it ends?

reggae!

reggae in swedish probably means good bye i thought but no

id been to sweden and i knew that hej då meant good bye

or did it mean hello?

the girls were just laughing at me.

they kept calling me Chicago.

hey Chicago, why dont you change your clothes and meet us at the Chateau

i said how do you say nothing ever good happens to chicagoans

late at night at the chateau

in swedish

took a little walk last night because it had finally cooled off

heard American Apparel may go out of business.

felt bad for Dov, Sass, all the workers, as well as the billboard salespeople

maybe the geniuses who stole the company away from Dov can get into the trashy office business

apparently business is Great!

my first real job out of college i had a briefcase. and then never again.

when people talk about Corvettes, they really should stop talking about them after 1982

here is a great reason why.

i posted a lot of these on Instagram to do some “live Instagramming” but im pretty sure it just annoyed people

it was so late at night the freeways were free

the 80s called. they want to play at your rock club.

who knew Bill Maher had a star on the walk of fame?

who knew Batman didn’t?

Hollywood: where even the traffic cones are bossy

the problem with the electronic age is ppl’s penmanship is seriously lacking.

THATS what you should apologize about, neighbor

when I saw i hit my walking goal i hopped on the subway

dont let anyone tell you we dont ride the subways – even late at night – in Hollywood